Mid year freak out

Can you believe that it is June already…Half of June is also already gone. I am literally freaking out.  I feel like i just wished my loved ones a happy new year. I swear I just sat down at my desk and wrote down goals for the new year, all hopeful and ready to tackle this year, and make it better than the ones i let slip through my fingers. Where did the time go???? Literally!!!

How are you feeling about the year so far plan wise ? I can honestly say that i have made some progress compare to previous years. I am nowhere near where i would like to be, but i have hope. I can still work on ameliorating my life. I have my good, bad, lazy days, but i try to get it together as much as i can.

I said i wanted to lose weight, i have been trying to workout at least 3 times a week. I did lose weight, not as much as i could, but i did. I have been able to start saving a little bit of money each month. I still feel broke, but we working on that. Let’s not talk about “this blog”. I know..i know. I vow to do better though.

Anyway, talk to me. Are you freaking out this mid year, or you are on track with your new year’s resolutions?

Rebel…

Were you a rebellious kid/teenager?

i feel like i missed my teenage years rebellious stage, and i sometimes get mad at that fact. I was a very good kid, always had my nose in my book, homework were always done, never got in trouble at school, always did what i was told. I remember pouting when i thought something was  not fair. I remember giving my mom the silent treatment when she did the most by not letting me attend a close friend birthday dinner, for not allowing me to go to school carnival/mardi gras celebration, because we were Christians and this was not part of our lifestyle. 

I wish i had rebelled some days, i would have fun stories to tell new people i meet, and my future kids someday. I wish i had rebelled sometimes, i would not be in class on Mondays hearing about the fun stuff my click of friends did over the weekends and i was the only one always missing, always absent from group pictures of outing.

Tell me about your fun stories and how your parents dealt with your rebellion. If you are a parent, how are you handling difficult teenager?

 

via Daily Prompt: Rebel

opening up…

it is always hard for me to open up to new people, even to people i have known for ever. I tend to keep emotions inside for as long as i can or until the right person ask at the right time. Usually when i am going through a lot, i journal. However, i have been working a lot so at night when i get home, i am too tired to sit down and write down how i am feeling. I did try couple times in the last couple weeks, but i always feel rushed about what i am writing because i want to be done already so i can lie down.

So yesterday at work, out of nowhere, me and the girl that was working had a super duper long and deep, emotional conversation. Mind you, i have only known her for 2 months, but we work together twice a week. Usually she does her work as i am doing mine. We would discuss work stuff here and there. Yesterday though, she was the right person asking questions at the right time. She is quiet, and i try to stay as private as i can with coworkers because, “your coworkers are not your friends“. I don’t even know how the conversation started, and how one topic led to another. But we both shared a lot.

Problem is, i feel like taking the conversation back. While it felt nice to talk to her and hear her stories, i wished the conversation had not happened because i am scared of what she will now think of me after knowing me on a more personal level. Not that i am going over what she said and judging her. I am more worried about her going over the conversation and judging me. But why my first instinct is to think that she is going to judge me? It is a problem i have had my whole life. I cannot bring myself to open up about what is eating me, and when i do on mere occasion, i want to take the moment back. I am so hard on myself and how i feel, i think people do the same to me. It is something i have always hated about myself. I keep trying to tell myself it is okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to have a openhearted conversation without worrying about judgement. I still have a lot of work to do though.

Anyone else like this? comment below and tell me how you cope?

outside your bubble…

If only you would take a leap of faith and get outside of your bubble…oh the places you would go.

 

via Daily Prompt: Bubble

How are y’all holding up?

I never ever thought that the world would look like it is in a million years. Living in a city that heavily depends on tourism and entertainment, I can assure you that we are not okay. The first few days were bearable, but now people are starting to get bored and restless, and the streets are filling out more and more every day.

I stopped watching the news couple days ago because my heartbeat was getting out of control, and I could not sleep properly at night. I was in a constant state of worry and sadness. I am so ready for this to go away so we can get back to whatever “normal” will be like from now on.

Today I am grateful for

my dad made it out alive and okay. It is his birthday tomorrow…can you imagine what this would have been like ? We just buried my aunty(his little sister)…my grandma’s heart could have given in. I am indeed grateful that I am able to double rejoice with him for his birthday tomorrow.

Today I am grateful for

• My early morning run
• Good health
• Forgiveness
• Second chances
• Food on my plate
• roof over my head
• A better tomorrow

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Monday motivation

Dangerous

It becomes really dangerous late at night when you can’t sleep. That’s when you remember stuff that happened 10-20 years ago that didnt even bother you then, but now it’s making you feel mad or embarrassed or sad or depressed.

Is it something with the darkness and the silence of the night? Is it the calm and the stillness of reality? There is no need for me to get teary eyes over some tone someone used 4 years ago with me in a group project in college. All of a sudden I got to telling myself he is probably doing real good while I am stuck at a job that i despise. However, I also want to think he might be back at home living in his parents basement eating chips and playing videos games and still waiting on a new job to call him after getting fired for being a jerk at his last one.

refocus

That’s the word that came to me tonight as I was once again dwelling on a little self-thrown pity party. They are quite current these days you know, but I do my best to shift my mind into better things. As I was once again thinking that i am just in motion and not moving into any specific direction, I told myself that perhaps I need to refocus. I often tell myself the lie that my life needs to be in a specific place at a certain age, that I forget that there is more to life than checking little boxes. I gotta try to see the better and bigger picture here.

So tonight, I decided that I need to take a moment and recalibrate myself, give myself a chance to be human and not a machine accomplishing tasks; which I am poorly doing, but we are not going to talk about the “system malfunction “that is my life.

Anyway the word for the moment is refocus. If you have been asking the universe for a sign, here you go. REFOCUS with me this year.

I have got to do better